“Maybe next time, you’ll estimate me!” -Michael Scott, The Office
As I lay in my bed at the end of the week, I think about my aching legs and newly-discovered diastasis recti, which now explains the dull but insistent backache. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, this time I feel powerful. By many standards, my day was not necessarily busy or stressful. Compared to my former life, my life sans children, it was particularly taxing. I have long forgotten that life, and I wonder frequently if I will ever know it again. My every day is stressful.
My problem isn’t in the situation. It never is. My childhood was riddled with the words, “You create your own experience.” I used to think my mom was just continuously in denial about my dad’s severe drug addiction, but I have long since learned that it is as true as the golden rule. There are some situations that we have no control over, so making the best of it is the only control we should relish.
You see, when I wake up in the morning to a cooing baby and a persistent 2-year old, I have to tell myself that I can do it. That I have done it up to this point, and I can do it again and again and again. I chose this life and I will continue to choose it, but that shouldn’t stop me from making the best of it. Just getting by isn’t a choice, anymore.
I recently starting writing articles for a drug rehab facility all the way across the country, a museum in my current town, and a marriage website started by a friend of mine. A year or two ago, I would have thought that wasn’t possible- particularly with two children and a husband whom I only get to see a few hours a week. But I make it happen’ cap’n and I am so glad I chose not to underestimate myself. My mothering hasn’t changed, unless you count the computer being open more often (which, honestly, only replaced my phone apps being open). At least now I am doing something productive for other people (other than my children, of course) and, therefore, myself.
I will continue to tell myself that I can do it, but now I will remember to not underestimate what I can do.